I know I´ve already spilled my guts about how disgusted I am
with guys in clubs here, but I thought I´d take an entry to explain general
things I´ve observed about male Argentine attitudes towards love, sex and
romance, as well as how I´ve responded to them.
First of all, for all of you who told me I needed to be
single before I came here (myself included)--that can be the best advice, but
also the worst. The best in the sense that if you’re single you don´t spend
time driving yourself crazy thinking about the one you love (which I do every
minute of every day); the worst in the sense that if you aren´t committed to
someone else you might actually get swindled by these men who are only looking
to trick you.
Romance here is so prevalent here as to not really mean
anything. People here make out on the colectivo as though the
world were ending outside the bus. Obviously the world is carrying on as normal
as ever past the swinging doors...If I could describe myself in one word
it would be passionate (or romantic...), so I understand these
people--however, when you put such passion in the face of the public all the
time, it loses its value. Suddenly being 14 with your novio on
a street corner means you´re Romeo and Juliet. But only to you and your
boyfriend. To everybody else, you´re just two nobodies...Men say "I love
you" to me on the street. And trust me, once I drop the L-word, I´m sure I
sound like a broken record with it, but to use it to effectively solicit sex or
to make a sale is a cardinal sin to this hopeless romantic. Thus, I wonder what
men actually say to women that they truly love and how do they actually know
it´s the real thing? True there is a difference between te amo and te
quiero, with te amo being the true, passionate, romantic
love, but even this is starting to lose sentiment.
I started thinking about this when I was buying my host
family some chocolates in Bariloche. At first the employee seemed friendly and
informative as I told him I was a student in BA, but then he asked jokingly if
the chocolates were for my amante
(“lover”). This just sounded awkward because they were for the complete
opposite of a lover—my “family”. So I blurted out “No!” which obviously
prompted him to assert that I did indeed have an amante. I explained that they were for my host family and that
while I would like to send some to my lover, he’s in the US, so by the time
they arrived, they wouldn’t be so fresh. Then he corrected me and said that an amante was not a novio (boyfriend) and insisted that I get an amante in Argentina because I won’t get to see my boyfriend for
several months.
While he was probably just joking around, at the same time, he
was actually being kind of serious and I was getting annoyed. Yeah, sure I need
a lover in Argentina. Should it be you, chocolate store guy?! Get real. Yes, I
do go insane knowing that I can’t even hold
hands with my boyfriend for the next 4 months and for some people, that
would make a really good excuse to cheat or start an “affair”. But to me that’s
one of the most disrespectful things you could do to someone you love. I have
no tolerance for cheating and I would never do it. No matter how you “justify”
it, you’re still essentially saying (with your actions) that despite how much a
person means to you, a moment of physical pleasure is worth more than
everything they have to offer. Maybe that’s dramatic, but really, why is
cheating becoming such a permissible act? Why is that OK and expected in
Argentina? Part of me wants to find out, but I feel like I already know the
answer.
I’m not saying I don’t enjoy the physical, because I do, but I’m not an
animal. Six months without even being able to kiss him seems impossible, and
for some, I’m so young, why waste time waiting? I’m in my prime to be physical
and not care. The thing is, that’s not who I am. And if anyone understood even
a small fraction of why I decided to stay with him through my experience here,
they too would call me a complete idiot if I gave him up simply for some
fleeting physical experience that meant nothing. Maybe love is blind, but at
least it’s guided by something other than a fleshy compass…
Maybe I’m mistaken, but the reality seems to be that I really
feel that most guys are just trying to sleep with me and have blatantly
disrespected the boundaries I have spelled out by saying that I have a
boyfriend. Men have tried to project their physical desires onto me, making it
seem like they should be my desires because I’m
the one about to go without for 4 more months. We always joked about me meeting
my soulmate down here and the wedding invitations arriving in Spanish. But that
idea seems ridiculous given the attitudes here on sex, intimacy, gender roles
and love that absolutely do not match up with mine. That, and then there’s the small
fact that I maybe kind of met him already back in the US…oops…
:)
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