Sadder than my actual parents' break-up...

Wednesday, May 16^th, 2012

While we’d seemed like the happy little family on Sunday, there was trouble in Storybookland. As Tonya and I sat down for dinner, we saw just 3 plates and she asked where Juan was, assuming he was just out and about.

“We…broke up…”

Oh.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was stunned to hear that in just 3 words, my pseudo-dad-brother-friend was totally gone. I mean, I guess I wasn’t shocked because despite how at times we felt like a little family, there were also times that I wondered how two very different people could continue to share such a serious bond. They never fought, but I could definitely see the rift that had formed. But still, after years of dating, living together and hosting 2 students, that makes the stakes a lot higher. Only they know exactly what happened, so all I can say is that it happened. And while I deeply regret that it had to be this way, I understand that sometimes things just aren’t working anymore. I was at least glad that they never expressed that in unhealthy ways like my parents did before their split. And given that they’ve known each other for basically their entire lives, I’m willing to bet that after some time has passed, they’ll be fine.

And I guess I’ll be fine about it too, but it’s sort of weird knowing that after seeing Juan every day and basically telling him my life story and being almost lethally sarcastic with him about everything, now I might only get to see him just a few times before I leave, if that. It’s a very strange feeling and reminds me even more to just try and appreciate what you enjoy about every day, because you never know when your life will decide to totally change on you out of nowhere. I was worried that maybe it would be difficult for Ana to host 2 of us alone as she attends school/works, but she said that maybe aside from some reeeeeally late (late, like even later than normal late) dinners or having to make dinner beforehand, there wouldn’t be any issues—which made me so glad because I probably would have died if I lost her too. I have no doubt that she’s hurting because there’s no way you could be 100% fine the day after you break off a relationship, no matter how much it wasn’t working—but, as always, she’s taking everything in stride and being the I-can-do-anything type of woman she’s always been. Maybe even more so. Also, I think I saw her smiling and laughing a little more, so we’ll be alright—viva la bachelorette pad!

Either way, I really love both of them as though they were my real family, because as far as I’m concerned, they are, and always will be.

Also it made me reflect a lot about marriage. Juan and Ana were not married, merely living together and had a pretty long run. I’m not saying that their break-up was easy for them, but at the same time, you can still at least call it a break-up and not a divorce. Sure, they still had to divvy up purchases and Juan will have to figure out new living arrangements, but there’s no need for lawyers, arguments and a drug-out horrible process making everybody feel 100% worse and 100 years older from stress. Maybe it’s just because I saw my parents’ horrible divorce that makes me really aversive to the whole thing, but I really just never want to go through that. I think there’s a lot to be said about couples like Ana and Juan that are in a long-term relationship, living together and sharing their lives together but aren’t married. “Forever” is a LOOOOOONG time, and I don’t know why so many people rush into marriage like it’s some kind of fun fantasy. Maybe that makes me look like I’m non-committal, but really the reality is the opposite—I’m so committed to the idea of commitment that I’d want to try at it for a looooong time with someone before I decided on “forever” with them, because I would hate to be wrong. But even then I’m not convinced about marriage because I don’t really see the point unless you want to have kids or need the financial/legal benefits. Love doesn’t necessarily beget marriage, nor does marriage beget love. I’m more concerned with loving and discovering the depth of that love over as long of a time as possible and as many circumstances as possible. I don’t need marriage to do that, and in fact, marriage can inhibit that. So for me, Juan and Ana’s situation (before the break-up, obviously) looks pretty great to me. And now that it is over, they can walk away and move on.