My homework schedule back in the states is usually so
hellacious, I often dream of what it would be like to just not have any. Wish
granted. In Argentina, I have virtually no homework in comparison to my normal
workload. Sure there are some readings and assignments here and there that I
can’t skip, but then there are the “obligatory readings” that are quite the
opposite. I should be reading them because my comprehension level and reading
speed would drastically increase were I reading 20+ pages in Spanish daily…but
am I really going to do that? No.
So now that I have all this free time that I always dreamed
of, as well as classes that start late, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Nikki!
That’s perfect! Now you can have productive mornings, make a well balanced
lunch and have time to enjoy Buenos Aires after class!”. And you’re right. If
by productive morning you mean waking up around 11 (with GREAT difficulty), a
well balanced lunch in the sense that I put an apple in one pocket and an
orange in the other and enjoying Buenos Aires in the sense that I walk 5 blocks
to get to my bus stop. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
I think we all think, “if I just had more free time, I could
do what I wanted” and to a degree this is true. But I have passed this point
and now I have so much free time that I do absolutely nothing with it. I wake
up late and go to bed even later. This makes me tired during the day, therefore
making it impossible to feel motivated to do anything after class, much less
take more public transport to go see another part of the city or do hw.
Especially when the hw isn’t obligatory or will only take me a short while to
finish. I hate myself for this. Here I am in Buenos Aires for just 6 short
months and I am WASTING TIME BY NOT DOING ANYTHING. And if I’m not going to
explore the city, I should at least be doing things to practice my Spanish
instead of being on Reddit, Facebook or god knows what else for hours at a
time. I have a horrible internet and sleep addiction which has basically
reduced my daily life to doing nothing. Literally. 3 hours will pass and I
can’t even explain what I’ve been doing. I’m not even reading the news or
something intellectual. I’m literally watching TV, looking at pictures or
chatting with friends. My how the mighty have fallen.
So I had this realization—I am the type of person who needs to be busy, because if I’m not, I
retrogress into this lazy person that has all these idealistic desires
(exercise! eat healthy! read scholarly articles! participate in cultural
activities! you have the time, finally!) but fails to actually execute any of
them.
Lately, I have been trying to study for my midterms and get
ready for finalsand realized that since being away from my hellaciously
stressful homework load in the US and having this abundance of spare time, I
have adopted some very Argentine attitudes towards homework—primarily the
attitude of “whatever”. I at least made study guides for every class and have
been studying, but at the same time, I can’t study for more than 30 minutes
without taking a break or getting distracted. It’s absolutely horrendous. It’s
not that I’m not taking this seriously, it’s just that it doesn’t feel like it
warrants a lot of effort. I have constantly had 5000 hours of homework every week of
my life for as long as I can remember and for the first time, I am free—so all I
want to do is nothing. It’s embarrassing. But it’s human nature, isn’t it? It
doesn’t matter where in the world you are. You could be on the trip of your
dreams, but if you’re tired and hungry, you’re not going to focus on much else.
Further, as much as I’d like to think I have great self control, I am learning I
don’t. As much as I always dreamed of having free time like this, it actually
makes me less productive and unhappier.
Buenos Aires, land of more contradictions and difficult self
realizations…
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