Thursday, May 30, 2013

The spear, the machete, the penis



Thursday, May 30, 2013

As anyone can tell you, I am horrible at waking up. Despite how often I practice (maybe the snooze button is a bad personal trainer…) I can never seem to get it. But by 7:45 I convinced myself to get the heck out of bed because Quito was waiting. I was greeted by el desayunito de las facturas y el té, que son típicos en la Argentina también, así que me puse contenta y empecé a pensar en mi amiga, Angela, con la que compartía mi experiencia argentina y nuestros viajes por el país. Siempre comíamos las cosas así en las hotelerías. Fue un buen momento a tomar el mate. Se me despertó inmediatamente. Gracias a dios, porque el tour estuvo por empezar.
Sorry. That’s going to happen a lot. There are some thoughts that no se me ocurren en inglés ni resultan tan lindos en inglés.

We went to La plaza de la independencia that was indeed lovely, but its loveliness was far exceeded by the interesting statues and events that happened there. Normally during city tours when I learn all these factoids, I tend to forget all the dates and anything that wasn’t immediately interesting so I was expecting to do the same when our guide, Carlos, told us about the independence statue that had a lion being defeated by a condor. The lion represents the Spanish crown and the condor, the Andean peoples, which is also its emblematic bird (second only in size to the albatross…). Apparently there used to be a spear in the lion’s side to further rub in the defeat, but some time ago it disappeared. So now only a hole remains in the side of the lion; meanwhile, rogue Ecuadorians are presumably using the Spanish-ass-kicking spear of independence to fight the injustices of the modern world. VIVAAAAA LA PATRIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

And for anyone who knows the history of why La casa rosada argentina is “pink” (it’s painted with blood that used to flow freely through the open slaughterhouse that was Buenos Aires), it’s hard to top. Apparently a former Ecuadorian president was having an affair with the wife of his vice president and would randomly send him into the jungle on all kinds of abrupt and aimless missions without explaining why. Eventually Sr. Vicepresidente se dio cuenta y le mató al presidente con un machete en la espalda…en las escaleras del palacio! And lucky us, we were standing right where the pile of hot, adulterous blood gushed out of the poor man all those years ago.

But neither of those top the trick the indigenous workers pulled on the Jesuits who contracted them at what was effectively slave labor wages. To enact revenge for such stinginess (and you know, all the killing and pillaging of their culture and peoples if they didn’t conform to Jesuit standards…) when they had to mold the angels for adornment on the building façade, they made a few adjustments. The first is the angel that is flipping the church off. Then, on the building directly across from the la Compañía de Jesús, they made one angel that wasn’t so angelic…and gave it a giant penis…

I like you, Ecuador. 


More to come!

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