So during this conference we’re supposed to wear “business attire” and being that I generally own zero pencil skirts, blouses or pairs of slacks, I did the best I could with the dresses I own. I like color and think that my appearance is presentable. This, in addition to the fact that nobody gave me a dress code rules sheet, has gotten me in trouble with my clothing. Apparently I’m not dressed properly. I mean, ok, maybe it wasn’t appropriate to wear my Indian bejeweled flats, but my wide-ass feet were going to fall off if I tried to jam them into the one pair of shoes that I brought in my tiny suitcase. In my opinion, business attire for women is hideous and boring. Why are we not allowed to wear colors and patterns and dresses? But I guess it’s another part of the nikkiness in that I have to wear a big necklace, some kind of interesting color and generally just do what I want. I have serious problems with authority, tradition and formality. And I guess this is something I’ve always known, but it became blatantly obvious when I got ragingly mad at the idea of me being dressed “inappropriately”. Further, what’s wrong with shoulders?
#2
If this conference is supposed to be indicative of the type of work that happens in diplomatic settings, then count me out. This is a room filled with maybe 10% approachable and genuine people and 90% pretentious intellectual know-it-alls that think because they printed off a bunch of documents they’re really cool. No wonder there’s no world peace. Because if everybody were equal, that would mean that this next generation of pompous douchebags wouldn’t have anybody to be smarter than. Don’t get me wrong, they’re smart, know what they’re doing and have worked hard, but seriously, Iranian deligate? You are giving me a fuckin’ RASH. Calm your ass down. We’re not actually changing anything. And that’s the problem with this whole thing. Nothing changes. Everybody just feels "awesome" for having made some "awesome" resolutions that don’t actually change anything. The marginalized are just getting more marginalized. I’ll be happy to just go live in a yurt in Africa or something so that way nobody can tell me what to do and I can talk to decent people all day.
#3
I have a paradoxical problem. I constantly find myself frustrated and boxed in when dealing with people that lack passion, motivation, a commitment to intellect and depth. Yet when I am surrounded by a group of people like this, I can’t rip my head off fast enough. As soon as you get all of us overachievers in the same room, it’s like an alarm goes off telling people that they need to be the smartest person in the room and will say every seemingly relevant fact that they’ve ever known to one up anyone in their way. Where are all the people in between? I’m a very serious person, but at the same time I’m not very aggressive. I lack the competitive passion that a lot of these people have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m competitive and a go-getter, but not in the way that I need to prove it to the world. I guess I feel like I speak for myself through my inherent words and actions and don’t need to amp it up the minute I’m surrounded by people I feel threatened by. I can be really uptight and type-A, but at the same time, I could really give a damn about a lot of things and generally I’m pretty lax, too. And I feel like at this point, this conference will never materialize into anything substantial in my life.
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